I Thought I Was Fine (Until My Heart Said Otherwise)
This season, my body has been asking me to slow down and listen more closely. What started as back pain became a deeper conversation with my heart.
Leaning into the Discomfort
My heart chakra is blocked.
“The heart chakra holds our connection to the physical and the spiritual aspects of ourselves.”
— Chakra Healing, Margarita Alcantara
I noticed it first in my body, at the chiropractor’s table, when tension pulsed between my shoulder blades. Later, after my recent breakup, I recognized what that tightness really was: grief.
Part of me wants to avoid the discomfort. But the ache in my back won’t let me sleep. It’s my reminder, my body whispering, it’s time to lean in.
“When the heart chakra is out of harmony, we are disconnected from ourselves, have difficulty loving ourselves or giving love from a genuine place, do not feel deserving of love (and therefore have difficulty receiving love), are out of touch with who we are, and develop depression from lack of connection to self.”
— Chakra Healing, Margarita Alcantara
Reading this and then deciding to share it here made me want to close my laptop and delete the whole thing.
Because, truthfully, I teach self-love.
I guide people through their grief so they can remember who they are and stand ten toes down in that truth.
So how dare I question my own self-love?
That’s where shame creeps in.
I remember those business masterminds I once joined, the ones that repeated, “You have to be the expert.”
But what happens when the “expert” is still healing?
Still learning, still remembering, still unblocking?
Does that mean I’m not supposed to guide others through their own journeys of self-love, grief, abundance?
Lean in.
When I guide people through self-love, I am a mirror.
Together, we notice the parts of ourselves we’ve buried, the tender places we’ve tucked away. I walk beside them, not ahead. We move through it together.
My work has always centered around three things: self-love, abundance, and grief.
And let’s be real, in a world where capitalism, patriarchy, and colonization still breathe down our necks, it’s hard to stay grounded in self love in a Black woman’s body.
Especially knowing that “approximately 60% of Black women aged 20 and older have some form of cardiovascular disease, including coronary heart disease, hypertension, heart failure, and stroke. This rate is notably higher than that of the general U.S. adult population.” (https://www.goredforwomen.org/en/about-heart-disease-in-women/facts/heart-disease-in-black-women?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
So caring for our hearts is literal, not just metaphorical.
I refuse to subscribe to spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity that numbs truth.
So, here I am. Sitting in my truth. Asking:
Why is my heart chakra blocked?
One of my trauma responses is people-pleasing.
And when I finally named that people-pleasing is a form of manipulation, it hit me.
Why do I do it?
Who taught me that love and approval were the same thing?
How does this serve me, and who am I without it?
I don’t have all the answers yet.
But I’m leaning in anyway.
To unblock my heart chakra, I’m giving myself spaciousness in time. I’m leaning into my care team for support, allowing myself to be held while I move through what’s here.
Because of this, the annual Grief Series is being postponed. This is part of my practice of walking my talk, honoring the seasons of my heart, and not rushing the process of healing.
With Gratitude and Love.
Reflection for You
If you’re reading this and noticing your own heart tightening or softening, pause.
Take a deep breath.
Ask yourself:
Where in my body am I holding onto grief or love unspoken?
What does my heart need more of right now—space, support, softness, or rest?
How can I offer myself that without apology?
We are all learning to love ourselves more truthfully.
Resources for You
Chakra Healing - Margarita Alcantra
All About Love - bell hooks
Herbs: Rose
Crystal: Rose Quartz
