What visted me in the dark
I went camping for 6 days this past week, rotating from sleeping in a tent to the car.
And the first night something visited me…
It arrived quietly, then all at once.
Fear.
My mind spiraled with my worries, other people's worries, shame… I couldn't slow my mind down.
Being a Black woman.
In the woods.
In a tent.
Pitch black.
Alone.
…knowing the climate of the world, my heart was beating out of my chest thinking about the "what if's…"
My body was tense, my mind was going. The only control I had was my breath.
THE PRACTICE
inhale
arrive back into your body
exhale
you are safe
inhale
lean into the what if's
exhale
let the land hold you
Still, my mind wasn't slowing down, even though my body felt more at ease. That's when the questions arrived.
I asked myself —
If ____ happened, are you satisfied with the life you lived?
If ____ happened, would your family know what to do?
If _____ happened — then what?
Answering these questions wasn't easy. But so necessary to find peace.
WHAT CAME AFTER
The remainder of the trip, I was rushed with downloads, future projects, gratitude for what I have, joy for the land that holds me, and so much peace.
"We cannot let fear take away from the things we have to do for our freedom, so we have to face it."
I went to the land to reclaim, to remember, to reimagine. I'm grateful to the land that held me to do so.
This land held me, and I do not take that lightly.
Deep gratitude to the nations whose homeland gave me space to breathe, to question, and to heal.
TERRITORIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENT
The Quileute Tribe
The Hoh Indian Tribe
The Makah Nation
The Quinault Indian Nation
The Lower Elwha Klallam Tribe
The Jamestown S'Klallam Tribe
The Port Gamble S'Klallam Tribe
The Skokomish Tribal Nation
