Grounded, Not Perfect: What My Root Chakra Taught Me About Dating

I've been working on my root chakra, and at the same time, I've been actively dating.

This is my third time moving through the seven chakra portals, and this round, with the root chakra, I've been leaning into relationships and community. The people I'm dating don't know I'm doing this work,  so it's been interesting to be in a relationship with my root chakra and in relationship with others, all at once.

When you're in harmony with your root chakra, you're connected to nature. You feel grounded. You trust in natural law and move with the ebbs and flows of life. You come from a place of understanding that you will always be provided for. You're connected to tribal consciousness, to family, in healthy ways. You feel safe.

When you're out of harmony with your root chakra, you can't trust nature. You feel ungrounded, disconnected from the earth. You carry family wounds. You don't feel secure in the knowledge that your most basic, primal needs — food, shelter, clothing, love — are being met. You feel unsafe, and you function out of fear, guilt, and a kind of fear of being alive. You lose your ability to stand up for yourself.

This time around, I've been really exploring: Who am I in relationships? How do I stay grounded while I'm dating? What is my relationship with anxiety, and how does it show up when I'm with others?

This has been a deeply uncomfortable place to be, if I'm honest. I've been feeling pretty unsafe. There have been times I've functioned out of fear. Times I've felt guilty for the way I stood up for myself. There has been harm caused, and repair made, in this short window of time.

I've only been working on my root chakra for a month, and already I've had to face a lot of my shadow self. Facing that shadow has shown me blind spots I didn't know I had. I've had to let myself be vulnerable with that version of me, to really see how I show up in relationships, what family trauma I'm carrying into them, and to separate my intention from my impact. Just because I didn't intend to cause harm doesn't mean the impact wasn't harmful. I've had to hold space for that, and sit with what it says about me.

Exploring the root chakra has also meant accepting that I'm going to be misunderstood, that there are people who won't like me. And asking myself: am I okay with that?

As a child, I always wanted to be liked. I shapeshifted myself to fit into boxes I never belonged in. I people-pleased so the adults around me would be okay. I wanted to be the easy one. Now I'm realizing how much that cost me.

So as I've explored this chakra, I've been exploring who I authentically am, and how I stand true to that so I can be free. It's been uncomfortable ( I can't say that enough)  but it's also been so freeing. I've caught myself drawn closer to nature, wanting to lay out on the grass for hours. I feel more grounded when things come up; I get to slow down and weigh my options before I act out of emotion. I'm learning to trust in natural law, to know that everything is working in my favor. I've been watching and observing how the ebbs and flows of life show up in my body and in others.

I've let myself come from a place of understanding that I will always be provided for,  as I keep grounding myself and getting clear on my numbers. And when I say numbers, I mean budgeting and finances, yes, but also getting clear on what I actually want, where I'm going, why, and what kind of life I want to live. I'm letting myself lean into the discomfort of my dreams, and explore the possibility inside them.

I've also let myself reconnect to my ancestral ways, even though so much of that lineage was lost in the transatlantic slave trade. I've been reaching for that connection through prayer, meditation, and moving my body in every way I can to get closer to home. Through all of it, I've been telling my body: I am safe. Especially in the moments I don't feel safe.

Am I fully in harmony with my root chakra? No. But I'm grateful to say I'm closer than I've ever been. And when I move through this the fourth, fifth, sixth time, I'll be even closer to harmony than I am to being out of it.

So I'll keep tending to this. I'll keep asking for support. I'll keep leaning into the discomfort, staying connected to the herbs, the crystals, the oils, the breath. Because once I feel grounded, once I feel safe in my body,  I radiate that safety outward. And I want to be in a relationship with people who can see the safety in me, because I see it in myself.

Thank you, root chakra, for the lessons.